Children's Self Esteem

I was reading an article in Reader’s Digest about the right ways to inspire your kids. This article talks about how parents sometimes say things that they think will help out their children. However, the kids tend to misinterpret the point their parents were trying to get across. One point this article made was how over praising kids can lead them to overestimated their abilities and cause them slack off. I agree with this; praise is a positive reinforcer, and when it is not abused, then it can prompt very positive behavior. This got me thinking about how Schumaker and Twenge have both talked about how narcissism is developed at a young age. One cause of this behavioral disorder is believed to be the self-esteem programs that are implemented in our schools. This article also points out that parents can also play a major role in this development. Saying things like “You’re the best!” to a child may seem harmless or even positively constructive, but research has shown that these phrases do more harm than help. There is nothing wrong with telling your children they have done well in school, sports, or musical performances. Yet, when you over praise them, it goes straight to their head. They thrive off the attention and start believing that they are superior to everyone. After all, they are the only ones that they know of receiving the praise.
How many times have you seen a young basketball player that has natural talent and is often praised by the coach and other parents? This praising can be overdone, especially after games, when everyone comes up after one another to congratulate the star player on how fantastic he was. If this is all he is hearing, then he begins to let it get to him. Next game, he might feel like he doesn’t have to try as hard to look like a superstar. Also, if he messes up, instead of practicing and trying to fix his weakness, he just thinks he can get away with it because he is the star. His teammates, on the other hand, will be better off in the long run. Though they are not in the spotlight, they strive and work hard to compete. They will continue to improve their skills and overall become better mechanical players. These players are often noticed when they do make a good play and not for their pure awesome studliness.
Our society believes that boosting a child’s self-esteem will set them up for a successful future. Unfortunately, as the previous example shows, too much praise can backfire. Showing approval of our kids is very important, but we must be careful of what we are approving of. When we focus on a kid’s score on a test and not the overall effort that went into achieving that score, we are essentially telling the kid that we are proud only when they when they have achieved the most. A study was done testing over praised fifth graders. The test scores of those students who had been constantly praised for trying hard triumphed over the test scores of those that had been praised for merely being smart. This shows that focusing on a kid’s effort instead of the end product actually serves to lead to a more successful future. A social psychologist, Carol _Dweke, remarked “Praising attributes or abilities makes a false promise that success will come to you because you have that trait, and it devalues effort.” Therefore, it’s important to recognize and praise your children’s effort, just know when to draw the line.